Monday, February 23, 2009

sexy sms

Erotic ....




Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!



Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let me suck you, dont feel shy.



Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged



The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the louder the scream,louder the scream the better the fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck



Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2 stones with the help of a crane.



A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.



Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got my nose in her armpit. Now what?



rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral? whereva therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock



LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

They say sugar is sweet N honey is 2, but baby wat do I call U? U R sexier than sexy N hotter than that 2! therez only 1 name 4 U and it is '2 good 2 be true'!

SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!

MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U

Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.

I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you!

U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY

There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !

What's the speed limit of sex? Sixty-eight! At 69 you have to turn around...

hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'

: 3 GOOD MANNERS

3 good manners of male penis. 1)Courteous-it stands before performing. 2)Emotional-it cries during the performance. 3)Polite-it bows down after the performance.




: MISTAKES

Learn from your parents' mistakes - Use birth control!




: PICTURE

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.




: MAN

Today, in style are small cars, watches, skirts and mobile-phones... It will come the time when SMALL PENIS will be in style, and then you will be the man!!!




: COCUNUT

What’s hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT'




: SHOWTIME

Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!



: LEFT LEG, RIGHT LEG

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.




: SEX MACHINE

When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.




: SEX ON TEXT

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!




: CARS

Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...' Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.'




: DEPRESSED

A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same?




: BAR STOOL

How do you keep 4 blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down.




: VIAGRA

CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you




: SNOW WHITE

*NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2 hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'




: GLOW IN THE DARK

I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in the dark




: PENIS & BALLS

Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep vomiting!




: STUPID PYJAMAS

Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!




: BRUSH MY TEETH

I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth




: RING

I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....




Luv-U-Always - Visit the world's LARGEST website of LOVE.
SMS Directory - World's LARGEST directory of SMSs.
Immortal Stories - Contains hundreds of inspirational stories, articles, poems and inspirational pictures.


: DUMB

What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an asshole!




: SAGGY BOOB

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!




: BLOW JOB

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!




: COVER ME

What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm going in...'



: TITS DAIRY

I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a dairy.




Statistics
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS

Farmer Joneshas
farmer Joneshas got no sheep, isn't life a drag?
coz they're all burning in a field he's got no sheep to shag

Gary Gliter
The FA have just announced garly gliter the next England Coach.
The appontment collapsed after he tried to put seaman in the under 15's

Ba Ba White Sheep
ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie

Leather Heather
there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together

Little Miss Drugy
little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.

Jack and Jill
Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER

IRA
what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth

nokia

This codes works most of NOKIA series.
Nokia code Code function*3370#
Nokia code activates Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR) - Your Nokia cell phone uses the best sound quality but talk time is reduced my approx.
5%#3370# Deactivate Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR)*#4720# Activate Half Rate Codec - Your phone uses a lower quality sound but you should gain approx 30% more Talk Time*#4720# With this Nokia code you can deactivate the Half Rate Codec*#0000# Displays your phones software version, 1st Line : Software Version, 2nd Line : Software Release Date, 3rd Line : Compression Type*#9999# Phones software version if *#0000# does not work*#06# For checking the International Mobile Equipment Identity (IMEI Number)#pw+1234567890+1# Provider Lock Status. (use the “*” button to obtain the “p,w” and “+” symbols)#pw+1234567890+2# Network Lock Status. (use the “*” button to obtain the “p,w” and “+” symbols)#pw+1234567890+3# Country Lock Status. (use the “*” button to obtain the “p,w” and “+” symbols)#pw+1234567890+4# SIM Card Lock Status. (use the “*” button to obtain the “p,w” and “+” symbols)*#147# This lets you know who called you last (Only vodofone)*#1471# Last call (Only vodofone)*#21# This phone code allows you to check the number that “All Calls” are diverted to*#2640# Displays phone security code in use*#30# Lets you see the private number*#43# Allows you to check the “Call Waiting” status of your cell phone.*#61# Allows you to check the number that “On No Reply” calls are diverted to*#62# Allows you to check the number that “Divert If Unreachable (no service)” calls are diverted to*#67# Allows you to check the number that “On Busy Calls” are diverted to*#67705646# Phone code that removes operator logo on 3310 & 3330*#73# Reset phone timers and game scores*#746025625# Displays the SIM Clock status, if your phone supports this power saving feature “SIM Clock Stop Allowed”, it means you will get the best standby time possible*#7760# Manufactures code*#7780# Restore factory settings*#8110# Software version for the nokia 8110*#92702689# Displays - 1.Serial Number, 2.Date Made, 3.Purchase Date, 4.Date of last repair (0000 for no repairs), 5.Transfer User Data. To exit this mode you need to switch your phone off then on again*#94870345123456789# Deactivate the PWM-Mem**21*number# Turn on “All Calls” diverting to the phone number entered**61*number# Turn on “No Reply” diverting to the phone number entered**67*number# Turn on “On Busy” diverting to the phone number entered12345 This is the default security codepress and hold # Lets you switch between